What You Wish For Read online

  Lisa paused and looked around. ‘So is everything clear? Very soon, that which we have waited for all our lives will occur. The truth will be known.’ She raised her arms to the heavens. ‘The stars will be our home.’

  As everyone left the room, they buzzed with excitement. At last, at last, I could hear them say. It didn’t matter to them if they had to give up some earthly pleasures, or that they would never see their friends or families again. That was trivial. None of them was in any doubt that the time was nigh. Deliverance was imminent.

  I turned to Zara, to ask her something, but heard someone say, ‘Zara, Richard, can I talk to you?’

  I turned and found myself facing Lisa. She knocked the breath out of my lungs. It wasn’t just the way she looked: she burned with charisma and power, like heat from a star. But there was something dark about her. Intimidating.

  Zara hugged her, and they kissed.

  ‘I’m so happy to have you here, Richard,’ Lisa said, touching my arm. ‘It’s always a great pleasure when non-Americans join us. And I’m pleased you and Zara are getting along so well. Zara has needed friendship since her husband died.’

  My shock must have been evident, as Lisa said, ‘You haven’t told him, Zara?’

  Zara shook her head.

  ‘Oh.’ She addressed me. ‘Zara was married to a great guy called Ben. A writer. Very talented.’

  ‘Oh God, I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘What happened?’

  ‘A motorcycle accident,’ Zara whispered.’

  Lisa said to me, ‘She’s over it now.’

  I didn’t believe her. Zara looked like she was about to start crying. Lisa touched her hand gently and Zara seemed to improve instantly. Her eyes dried and she gathered herself, shook off her grief like a dog shaking off water.

  Lisa said, ‘Did you bring the files? The flash drives?’

  Zara’s face fell. ‘Oh hell . . .’

  ‘Oh, Zara! Don’t tell me you left them at the house? We need them.’ Her eyes flashed with anger.

  ‘I’m so sorry! I’ll drive back and get them. I’ll go now.’

  Lisa sighed. ‘Bring them straight to me when you get back. Great to meet you, Richard.’ She turned and walked away.

  ‘Why do you let her boss you around?’ I said to Zara, when Lisa was out of earshot.

  ‘Because I love her,’ she replied, as if I were stupid. ‘She guides us. And she always knows best. Dammit . . . I’d better go straight away, before the curfew starts.’

  ‘Do you want me to come with you?’

  She shook her head. ‘No, you’d better stay here. Why don’t you try to get to know the others better? The closer we all are, the better it will be when contact happens.’

  After Zara had gone, I found Lisa outside, looking out to sea, smoking a cigarette. When she saw me, she quickly flicked the cigarette away, then turned and gave me a broad smile.

  ‘Hey, Richard.’

  ‘Hi. I just wanted to say thank you. For letting me join you.’

  ‘You’re very welcome.’ She looked over my shoulder as she spoke, like she was dismissing me.

  I hesitated but decided it couldn’t do any harm. Zara would probably tell her anyway. ‘Do you know someone called Marie Walker?’

  She looked blank.

  ‘Andrew Jade?’

  She shook her head. ‘Sorry, no.’

  But her eyes had flickered as she’d said this. I didn’t want to arouse her suspicions so I left it. But as I went back inside, I felt more convinced than ever. Somebody here must know something.

  I drifted around the house, joining in conversations, slipping in questions about Marie and Andrew. No one knew anything – or they were all lying.

  After an hour or so of this I sensed that, as a group, people were starting to get suspicious, noticing what I was doing, so I decided to leave it for a while. I went up to my room and lay down. I still felt hung over, so I closed my eyes . . .

  When I woke up it was pouring with rain. It pummelled the window and made me feel thirsty. I splashed some cold water on my face then went downstairs to the kitchen. As I was pouring some orange juice into a glass, Carl came into the room.

  ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘I guess you must be pretty stoked.’

  ‘Erm . . . yes.’ I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. The forthcoming contact, I assumed.

  ‘Looks like your friend will be the last to join us. He made it just in time, before the curfew kicks in.’

  ‘Sorry? Friend?’

  ‘Oh. Hasn’t Lisa told you yet? Zara just called from her house. Apparently there was a guy hanging around there, looking for you.’ My heart plummeted into my stomach. ‘He said he’d come to join us. Zara said she could tell he was right for us so she’s bringing him here. His name’s Gary.’

  I almost dropped the glass of juice.

  ‘Gary,’ I repeated.

  Carl grinned. ‘Yeah, that’s right. Cool. Were you expecting him? Why didn’t you . . . Hey, are you OK, Richard?’

  My mind raced. Gary must have got the address of Lisa’s house from Freya. Either she had betrayed me or he had coerced her. Beaten it out of her. I had an image of him torturing her, extracting the information with a pair of pliers. I felt sick. Probably she had given up the address easily. But whatever had happened, he was here.

  He would expose me, blow my final chances of getting anyone to talk about Marie.

  And when he found out Cherry wasn’t here, I dreaded to think what he would do. But I had no doubt it would involve violence. He had told Simon he would kill me.

  There was only one thing I could do.

  ‘I need to talk to Lisa,’ I said, grabbing hold of Carl.

  ‘Hey, dude, chill . . .’

  ‘Now!’

  20

  Carl came back into the kitchen with Lisa. He started to speak but she held up a hand and he was immediately silenced.

  She said, ‘Tell me everything, Richard.’

  I took a deep breath. I stuttered the first few words. I hadn’t stuttered since I was fifteen. I closed my eyes, took deep breaths.

  ‘His name’s Gary Kennedy – and he wants to destroy everything you’ve created here. He lied to Zara. He’s not my friend. He’s not a believer. Worse than that, he thinks our belief is obscene.’

  I paced the room as I spoke.

  ‘But Gary’s girlfriend was a believer. She left him because she couldn’t persuade him that visitors do exist – ran away without telling him where she was going.’ It was an easy story to tell. ‘And he went crazy. He hates people like us. Blames us for his girlfriend leaving him. He wants to hurt the movement, to bring it down. He goes to meetings of believers in England and disrupts them. He spreads propaganda against us, sets the police onto us, tries to frame us for things we haven’t done. He’s made my life – and the life of dozens of other believers in England – a misery. That’s one of the reasons I came to America, to escape him. But he’s followed me.’

  It was easy, too, to look panicked, scared.

  ‘Why you?’ Lisa asked coolly. I could tell Carl believed every word, but Lisa was sceptical. ‘Why follow you in particular?

  ‘Because . . . because I helped his girlfriend escape him. I arranged a haven for her. I helped cover the trail. He knows this, although he can’t prove it. That’s why he follows me, because he thinks I’ll lead him to her. And he doesn’t even really love her. He only wants to control her, can’t bear the fact that she got one over on him. He wants to punish her. He’s violent. He used to beat her when they were together. He’s evil, Lisa, truly evil.’

  I was shaking by the time I finished. But I still couldn’t tell if she believed me.

  ‘If he comes into the Embassy,’ I said, ‘he’ll ruin all you’ve got here. If he arrives here after travelling all this way and discovers that his girlfriend isn’t here he’ll go mad. He might get violent. He might have a gun. And if you turn him away he won’t hesitate in going back to the authorities and telling them lies about you. He
’ll tell them there’s a suicide cult here, that you’re dealing drugs to local kids, whatever. The police will come and arrest everyone and then when the visitors come we won’t be here.’

  I was talking fast, almost babbling, my panic authentic. Lisa and Carl looked at each other.

  ‘We’re so close now, Lisa,’ Carl said quietly. ‘We can’t let anything jeopardise contact. We can’t afford the slightest risk.’

  Lisa hesitated for a long, agonizing moment. Then, finally, she nodded decisively. ‘Go get Jake, Denny, Steven and Frank.’

  He ran from the room.

  Lisa turned to me. ‘I’m not happy about this, Richard. You have brought danger to our door. And I know you’re not telling me everything.’

  ‘But it’s true,’ I said, my voice rising an octave. ‘You’ve got to stop Gary.’

  ‘Oh, I believe that part. But there’s something that doesn’t ring true about you.’

  I opened my mouth to protest but she narrowed her eyes at me and the words were choked in my throat.

  ‘Go to your room,’ she said, as if I were a bad child.

  Head down, I obeyed. As I walked towards the stairs I passed Carl, who was emerging from the open room with Jake and Denny and two men I hadn’t met before, although I had seen them at that morning’s ‘Trance’ session. They were big men, strong and muscular. They looked like security guards, and I wondered if that was exactly what they were. Lisa wasn’t stupid. She had prepared for everything.

  The men looked at me with cold eyes. Behind them I could see Rick, eyeing the group with interest. I slunk past and went to my room.

  From my window I had a view of the beach. I wiped the condensation from the windowpane with a trembling hand and looked out. It was still raining. The air was thick and drenched. The sky was shaded grey and black.

  Below me, the front door opened. The five men Lisa had summoned stood by the door, waiting.

  They didn’t have to wait long. Zara’s Mazda pulled up slowly, its tyres fighting for traction on the slippery ground. She opened her door and stepped out. She was smiling and waved to the group in the doorway. To me, behind my window, everything happened in silence, all sounds smothered by the relentless drumming of the rain.

  The passenger door opened and Gary stepped out.

  He came around the side of the car. He was scowling, squinting through the rain. Zara’s expression changed from relaxed to concerned. I watched as the five men stepped from the doorway into the rain and walked purposefully towards Gary, who was staring at the house. Maybe he could see me, a dark figure at the upstairs window.

  Carl went up to Zara and took her hand, leading her to one side. Her mouth was moving, he was shaking his head, pointing back to the house. Jake, Denny, Frank and Steven walked up to Gary, who smiled flickeringly, until Denny tried to grab him and Gary backed away. Now, he looked scared.

  He reached inside his jacket and the four men jumped him.

  Jake grabbed the arm that had been inside the jacket. Frank grabbed the other arm. Gary struggled and brought out a gun. I guessed he had contacts here, someone who could get a gun to him. Steven kicked it from his grasp and it fell onto the wet sand.

  Beneath me, other Loved Ones came out to watch. They lined the front of the Embassy, staring impassively. I couldn’t see Lisa.

  Jake punched Gary in the face, hard. Blood spilled from Gary’s broken lip but was immediately washed away by the rain. As Frank and Steven held Gary’s arms, Jake punched him in the face again, then again. Gary’s head drooped. He spat out a tooth. He tried to kick out, but Denny moved in and gracelessly kicked him in the balls. Gary doubled up, but the two men holding him pulled him up straight.

  I pressed my faced against the glass.

  Steven and Frank turned Gary around and started to drag him down the beach. He kicked and struggled. Jake moved in front of him and punched him in the stomach. This seemed to weaken Gary considerably. He went limp. Jake and Denny grabbed his legs and pulled him up, so the four of them were carrying him. They looked like they were going to give him the bumps for his birthday.

  The crowd edged forward. The four men carried Gary towards the sea.

  With a sickening lurch in my stomach, I realised what they were going to do. I wanted them to scare him off, that was all. Oh Jesus . . . I had to stop this.

  I ran to the door of my bedroom and yanked. It wouldn’t open. The door had been locked from the outside. I thumped it a few times. I looked around for a key. Nothing.

  I ran back to the window. The rain continued to beat down on the sand. They had taken Gary to the edge of the sea. The tide was in. I watched in horror as they carried him into the shallow waves. The churning foam covered their feet, then ankles, then shins. Soon they were knee deep in the water.

  Gary realised what was happening. He thrashed and bucked but they were too strong for him. The men carried him deeper, until the ocean was around their thighs, and then they pushed him face down into the water. He disappeared from sight. They squatted and held him down. Denny put his foot on Gary’s back. I saw an arm come up. Gary was wearing a black watch. The arm went back down.

  They held him under the water.

  I screamed and banged the window with both fists.

  After he had drowned they lifted him out of the sea and carried his body up the beach. Jake stopped and picked up Gary’s fallen gun, tucking it into his jeans. The other Loved Ones filed back into the house. I heard the front door slam, then open again. Lisa appeared outside. She held a black umbrella above her head and was carrying a spade. Zara ran up to her and Lisa stroked her face. Zara’s face went blank and she disappeared inside the house.

  Lisa went up to the four men who were holding Gary’s corpse. She handed the spade to Jake and gestured towards the rear of the Embassy. I watched as they carried him behind the fence.

  Lisa looked up at my window. I ducked down. When I looked again she was still standing beneath the black umbrella, staring at the sea, the rain filling the air around her. She stood like that for a long time.

  21

  I was locked in my room, hungry and thirsty and terrified I would be next. I kept imagining the sound of heavy male footsteps, Jake and Denny and the others coming for me, preparing to carry me out to sea, to push my face beneath the surface of the water. I pictured myself sucking up salt water, the air in my lungs filling with ocean and vomit. My last thought as I died would be that I had failed, that I would never see Marie again. I would end up in an unmarked grave beside another man whose death I was responsible for, another man who had hunted his missing girlfriend across the globe. And I still had no idea where Marie and Cherry were.

  I paced the room, trying not to panic.

  The beach outside my window was empty now. Lisa had come inside. I could hear people moving about downstairs, and doors opening and closing along the corridor. What were they doing? Probably they were just carrying on, as if nothing had happened.

  I lay on the bed and chewed my nails. I had just about mutilated each of my fingers when I heard a key turn in the door. I tensed with fear.

  Zara came in.

  ‘Oh, thank God it’s you . . .’ I began.

  She put a finger to her lips and I fell silent.

  ‘I’ve been asked to see if there’s anything you need,’ she said.

  ‘I want to go. I saw what they did to Gary. They murdered him, Zara. You have to let me get out of here.’

  She shook her head. She looked so sad, her unhappiness tinged with disappointment. ‘That’s not possible.’

  ‘Please, Zara.’ I crossed the room, tried to put my hands on her arms but she backed away.

  ‘They’re having a meeting, trying to decide what to do with you,’ she said.

  ‘Oh my God.’ I was going to be sick. ‘Zara, they’re going to kill me.’

  She didn’t speak.

  ‘Zara—’ I began, but she interrupted me.

  ‘I can’t believe I brought him here. I believed he was your f
riend.’ She turned her face towards me. ‘Was he your friend? Lisa says you’re a liar. But she doesn’t know what you’re lying about.’

  ‘I’m not . . .’ But I had run out of energy. Was sick of hearing myself lie.

  ‘It’s my fault that he’s dead,’ Zara said. She stood up. ‘I’d better get back to Lisa. Are you sure you don’t want anything?’

  I shook my head.

  Five minutes after leaving the room, she came back. ‘Lisa wants to talk to you. She’s in the watch room. Follow me.’

  She turned around and walked out stiffly, like a soldier leading a prisoner of war to the interrogation room. I felt like that POW, fear clawing at my bowels as I was led towards the white light, the ways of making one talk. I could try to run but there were too many people around. I would never make it out. And if I got outside, where would I go?

  Zara led me along the corridor to a door set in the far wall. She produced a key and unlocked the door, then led me up some steps. This, I realised, was the spire that overlooked the beach. Lisa’s office, the place where she meditated and received the messages from the aliens that she passed on to her troops. At the top of the stairs was another door. Zara pushed it open and led me into the room.

  Lisa was sitting behind a long desk, flanked by Carl and Jake.

  They leaned forward on their elbows and looked at me, scowling.

  ‘Sit down,’ Lisa said to me. Addressing Zara, she said, ‘You may leave us now.’

  Zara paused for a moment, then left the room. I sat down. It’s hard to describe how I felt at that moment. Exhausted. Accepting of my fate, which felt like it was out of my hands. I felt curiously light, as if surrendering had lifted the burden of my search from my shoulders, had freed my chained soul.

  A clap of thunder made me turn instinctively to the window. The view was captivating: the Pacific stretching to the point where it met the vast grey sky, where sailors might once have imagined the edge of the world to be. Above the ocean, the storm roared and sparked. Forked lightning crackled above the horizon, spidery, jagged lines lighting up the crashing waves, thunder booming and making the Embassy tremble. The clouds continued to chuck out cold, sharp rain.