What You Wish For Page 19

  For a moment the four of us watched the storm, forgetting why we were together in that room. Then Lisa said, ‘Richard. I think you know why we’ve asked you to come up here.’

  I nodded. Behind her, a computer screen blinked with the light of UFOs – her screen saver. All over the walls were pictures of Greys and UFOs, star charts and snapshots. It reminded me of Marie’s tiny bedsit, the place where I had first kissed her. The hole at my centre – the space that Marie had left in me – ached. And then I saw it:

  On the wall behind Lisa’s head was a picture of a woman having sex with an alien. The woman was Laura, Denny’s girlfriend. It was almost identical to one of the photos I had found under my bed. The Photoshopped alien entered Laura from behind. I looked around frantically, but there were no more pictures. There were filing cabinets to my right. They could be full of similar pictures.

  ‘Richard, are you listening to me?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, I am.’ Suddenly, anger flooded through me, brought on by the sight of the photo. I stood up. ‘What the hell gives you the right to lock me in my room? I want to leave now!’

  The three of them looked so shocked I almost laughed. But I was just warming up. I needed to lie my way out of this. I put on my most haughty British accent.

  ‘I have a good mind to leave here right now, to go back to England and tell everyone who’ll listen that the Loved Ones are nothing more than a sham, a bunch of pretenders who can’t see the truth when it’s right in front of them. I really believed in you. I really wanted to be one of you, to be part of all this. And this is how you treat me! Why don’t you ask Zara? She knows I’m genuine.’

  The two men turned to Lisa. She stood up and came around the desk, standing directly before me.

  ‘You’re a liar,’ she said. ‘The vox celeste told me. Though I am sure you think I am talking nonsense – because you’re not a believer, are you?’

  ‘I am—’

  She cut me off. ‘Why are you really here? Are you a government agent?’

  I laughed.

  The corner of her mouth lifted. ‘No. You’re too incompetent.’ She leaned closer until I could smell her breath. Alcohol. She had broken her own rule. ‘Nobody is going to stop contact from happening, especially not you.’

  ‘Why don’t you let me loosen his tongue?’ Jake said, standing up and flexing his muscles.

  Lisa studied me. ‘Is that necessary, Richard?’

  ‘We should remove him, like we did the other guy,’ Carl said. Carl, who had been so friendly before.

  ‘I’m starting to think that might be our only option,’ Lisa said.

  Without warning, she slapped my face, hard. She was wearing a ring and it caught my cheek. I was so shocked I couldn’t move for a second, but when I raised my hand to my face I saw blood on my fingers.

  ‘Tell us!’ she screamed.

  The two men got up and stepped towards me. Jake was, I realised with horror, holding a hunting knife. The gun he had taken from Gary was tucked into the waistband of his jeans.

  ‘I’m going to slit your throat and bury you on the beach, next to your friend.’

  ‘Please.’

  Lisa slapped me again.

  ‘Why are you here?’ she yelled in my face, spraying me with spittle.

  I didn’t reply.

  ‘OK,’ she said, nodding to Jake. ‘Kill him.’

  He came towards me with the knife, a cold grin on his face.

  ‘No!’ I shouted. ‘I’ll tell you.’

  He paused.

  ‘I came here looking for my girlfriend. Marie Walker, the one I asked you about, Lisa. That’s all. I’ve already told Zara this. The only thing I haven’t told you is that . . . is that I don’t believe in aliens or UFOs.’ I gulped down air. ‘I just thought someone here might know something about Marie. That’s all, that’s the truth.’

  Jake looked at Lisa, who gestured for him to lower the knife.

  ‘Why did you ask me about Andrew Jade?’ she asked.

  I panted. ‘He was Marie’s best friend, her business partner. Did you know him? Did you know Andrew?’

  She ignored me.

  ‘What do you think?’ she asked the two men. ‘Is he telling the truth?’

  ‘Sounds like a crock of shit to me,’ said Jake.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Carl.

  Lisa stared at me. She didn’t look so beautiful any more.

  ‘Take him back to his room, shut him in.’

  ‘Lisa, I think—’ Jake began.

  ‘I need to consult the vox celeste.’

  That shut him up. Jake pulled me roughly to my feet and pushed my arm up behind my back.

  ‘Ah, Jesus, that hurts.’

  ‘Shut the fuck up.’

  Jake shoved me into my room and pointed a meaty finger at me. ‘You’d better pray the Chorus are feeling merciful. Where’s your passport?’

  I hesitated.

  He pointed the knife at me. ‘In my bag.’

  He turned my suitcase over, shaking all the contents out and snatching up my passport. He opened it, checking I wasn’t using a fake name. Then he stuck it in his pocket. ‘I’m taking this to Lisa.’

  He slammed the door.

  I sat on the floor, rubbing my shoulder, waiting for my pulse to return to normal.

  I tried to work out what Lisa was doing. She couldn’t really believe that the aliens were going to tell her what to do with me, though I didn’t doubt that Carl and Jake believed it. I figured she was buying time to decide. And if she did decide to murder me, the others would put it down to the Chorus’s will – conveniently ridding them of any guilt. Following orders.

  My story, though true, sounded so weak. I was convinced that at any moment the door would open and Jake would be standing there with his hunting knife or the gun he had taken from Gary.

  As I thought this, I heard a key in the lock. I sprang to my feet, looked around frantically. Could I smash the window and jump? Was there a weapon I could use? I tried to catch my breath. I was dead. They were going to kill me . . .

  Zara came into the room.

  ‘I thought you were Jake, coming to kill me,’ I said.

  She walked over to me. ‘Is it really the only reason you came here?’ she asked. ‘To find Marie?’

  ‘Yes. I swear. I’m sorry I—’

  She cut me off. ‘And you didn’t tell Gary to come here?’

  ‘No, of course not. He followed me . . .’

  ‘You don’t work for the government? Or the New World Order?’

  ‘Zara, do I look like a government agent?’

  She laughed softly. ‘I guess not. But you’re not a believer.’

  ‘No. No, I’m not.’

  A look of great sadness and disappointment came over her.

  ‘Zara,’ I said, placing my hands on her shoulders. ‘You have to let me out of here. Lisa and Jake want to kill me. I’m not an agent, I’m not out to harm you in any way. All I wanted to do was find my girlfriend. If you let me out, I promise I’ll go straight back to England. You’ll never hear from me again. You can drive me to the airport if you want, watch me get on the plane.’

  ‘I can’t do that.’

  I tried to look into her eyes but she wouldn’t meet my gaze. ‘I’m so sorry I lied to you. I really like you, Zara. I didn’t like deceiving you. But I haven’t done anything that means I deserve to die.’ The last few words came out strangled.

  Zara broke away from me and crossed to the window.

  Any moment, Jake could arrive and take me away to be executed. I racked my brain for something that would convince Zara to let me out. Or maybe I could try to overpower her. She had the key in her pocket. It shouldn’t be too hard. I didn’t want to do that, but if I had no choice . . .

  She turned from the window and interrupted my garbled thoughts. I drew in a deep breath.

  ‘I don’t want anyone else to get hurt,’ she said.

  I exhaled.

  ‘You promise you’ll go straight bac
k to the UK? That you won’t do anything to try to stop Contact?’

  ‘I promise.’

  She chewed her lower lip. ‘I can’t just let you out. There are people all over the place. You won’t make it out of the house. We’ll have to do it tonight.’

  ‘But Lisa won’t wait till then.’

  ‘I’ll talk to her.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘You’ll have to trust me, Richard.’

  There was nothing else I could do. She was right. There was no way I’d be able to get out of the house without being stopped. It was already eight p.m. so I wouldn’t have to wait too long.

  ‘OK,’ I said.

  She left the room, locking the door from the outside.

  Hours passed. By the time the house grew quiet, I had worked myself into a frenzy of dread. I didn’t really know if I could trust Zara. What if she and Lisa were up in the office now, laughing, imagining my torment as they planned to kill me in the dead of night?

  Finally, at around one a.m., I heard the key scratching in the lock. I braced myself yet again.

  It was Zara.

  She came into the room, her finger on her lips. Checking that the coast was still clear, she gestured for me to follow her.

  It was quiet in the hallway, though the overhead lights blazed. Zara padded quickly towards the stairs and I followed her. We went down the stairs and she paused to look around. Someone came out of the kitchen and Zara gestured for me to stay back. Whoever it was went into the front room and Zara tiptoed across to open the front door. She waved me for me to come, and within seconds I felt the welcoming kiss of fresh air.

  Zara’s Mazda was parked right there. We climbed in.

  ‘My passport,’ I said, suddenly remembering. ‘Jake took it when—’

  ‘Relax. I’ve got it. He left it on Lisa’s desk.’

  ‘Oh, thank God.’

  ‘It should be me you’re thanking, Richard,’ she said with a little smile.

  ‘I know. I’m so—’

  ‘Oh shit.’

  Jake had appeared from nowhere and was standing in front of the car, gesturing angrily. Zara pressed a button to lock the car doors. Jake began to yell and two or three other people came out of the house.

  ‘We need to go,’ I urged.

  Zara hesitated.

  ‘Please!’

  ‘I can’t run him down.’

  There were people behind the car now too. And more were streaming out of the house, surrounding us. It was like a scene from a zombie film, where the undead crowd around the car, trying to get in.

  ‘Oh, fuck!’ Zara exclaimed, revving the engine and jerking forward, stopping an inch from Jake’s thighs. His face was contorted with fury. I looked across and saw Lisa standing by the side of the car.

  Then I heard someone shouting.

  ‘Hey, hey – they’re here. The Chorus! They’ve landed!’

  Everyone standing around the car turned their heads to look. I leaned over Zara, craning my neck to see. It was Rick. He was standing down by the beach, waving and gesturing towards the sea.

  ‘They’re here!’ he called again.

  Everyone apart from Lisa and Jake broke into a run towards Rick. He was trying to save us. I had no idea what he would say when they reached the beach and there was no spaceship there, but at that moment I didn’t care.

  Then I realised Zara was staring at Rick too, and her hand moved towards the door. This was what she, too, had been waiting for. I reached across and took hold of her wrist.

  ‘He’s lying,’ I whispered. ‘He’s doing it so we get away.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Because he’s a journalist.’

  ‘What?’ she hissed.

  ‘I’ll explain when we get out of here. If that fucker ever gets out of the way.’

  Still in front of the car, Jake looked at us, then at the beach.

  Lisa shouted, ‘He’s lying. Jake—’

  But nothing could stop him from checking it out. He joined the others, running towards Rick. Now only Lisa remained. She screamed with anger and tried to get in front of the car, but she was too slow. Zara shifted into drive and put her foot down.

  I watched Lisa in the rearview mirror, gesticulating like a madwoman.

  22

  Zara’s phone rang on and off all the way to the airport in Portland, until she eventually switched it off.

  ‘Do you think they’ll follow us?’ I asked.

  ‘I doubt it. But I won’t ever be able to go back there now.’

  Her words hung in the air between us.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ I said.

  She stared at the road ahead. ‘It was my life.’

  ‘They were murderers, Zara. They were going to murder me too.’

  She didn’t respond.

  After a long silence, she said, ‘I can’t believe Rick is a journalist. What’s he doing? Writing a story about us? And you’ve known all along?’

  ‘He told me on the way out here. Again, I’m sorry. But I couldn’t let you find out I didn’t really believe.’

  The city lights shone on the horizon. I wondered what story Rick had made up. I was worried about him. I hoped he’d made a run for it, managed to get away.

  There was something I needed to ask Zara, that had been playing on my mind.

  ‘I saw a picture on the wall in Lisa’s office: Laura, having sex with an alien. Marie appeared in photos like that. So did Gary’s girlfriend, Cherry, the one he was hunting.’

  Zara’s cheeks had gone pink.

  ‘Is that how you fund what you do?’

  She didn’t look at me. ‘When we started, we badly needed money to buy this place and to maintain it. The erotica was one way of bringing in a steady income. I think we were the first to do it. You know I told you about Jay, who runs the Embassy on the East Coast? It was his idea. He’s a graphic designer, and he devised the first pictures. Lisa was the first woman to ever pose in such pictures.’

  ‘Did you do it too?’ I asked.

  ‘I did, a long time ago. But Ben, my husband, found out, and . . . well, in the end I begged Lisa not to use the pictures and she agreed. By then we had Laura and a few other women, and men, who were happy to do it, though they wouldn’t admit it now. It all stopped ages ago. We don’t need the money anymore.’

  ‘So why is there a picture on Lisa’s wall?’

  Zara shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Maybe as a reminder of what we’ve left behind?’

  She didn’t sound too convinced.

  ‘I guess you don’t need the money now because you persuade everyone who joins to sign over their property and all their possessions.’

  ‘They do that voluntarily.’

  I held up my hands. ‘I’m not attacking or accusing you. Not you, anyway. But it seems to me that that’s what the whole thing is about. Lisa doesn’t really believe. It’s about money and power. These things always are.’

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘We believe. We all believe.’ A long pause. I was pretty sure there were tears in her eyes. ‘Guess you must think I’m a joke, what with my so-called psychic powers and all. They didn’t work very well with you, did they? You’ve made me look like a fool.’

  ‘Zara. You’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I . . .’

  She held up a hand to silence me. ‘Shut up. Do you know why I helped you? Why I didn’t just let Lisa do what she wanted with you? Why I’ve given up everything for you? It’s because I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. When my husband died I thought it was the end for me.’ She paused, sniffed. ‘Lisa saved me from my despair by giving me something new to devote myself to. And now that’s gone too.’

  I searched for something to say. I felt guilty. But I also felt like I’d saved her in some way, even if she didn’t realise it yet.

  ‘Why don’t you come with me?’

  She shook her head. ‘That isn’t possible.’

  ‘I know you won’t believe me right now but you don’t belong
with them, Zara. Something bad’s going to happen at the Embassy. I can feel it. They’re murderers. And how do you think they’re going to react when contact doesn’t actually happen? Lisa would probably have made up some excuse and had you posing for porn shots again. You need to go out into the world – the real world – and find somebody new to love you. That’s what you deserve.’

  We stopped at a light and she turned to me. ‘Can you imagine how I’ll feel if the Chorus come and I’m left behind?’

  ‘But Zara, you don’t really believe that’s going to happen, do you?’

  ‘Maybe not now . . . But it will. Some day.’

  ‘And in the meantime, you need to live your life. Enjoy it. Don’t waste it waiting.’

  I hoped I had got through to her. But it was impossible to tell. I was just glad that she wouldn’t be able to go back. I really was convinced something awful was going to happen there.

  At the airport, we got out of the car. I hugged her and kissed her cheek. I could taste the salt of her tears.

  ‘Goodbye, Richard. I hope you find Marie. I really hope it all works out.’

  ‘I still have no idea where she is.’

  ‘Then maybe you should take your own advice. Don’t waste your life waiting.’

  The next flight to London, via Minneapolis, was at six a.m. and, to my great relief, there were seats available. I was able to transfer my ticket and went into a Starbucks to load up on caffeine. After that, I decided I really needed a cigarette so bought some and went outside to smoke.

  I stood in the cold night air filling my lungs and wondering if Zara was right, if I really should follow my own advice. How long was I going to go on searching? Perhaps I should give up, get on with my life, accept that Marie didn’t want to be found. But it wouldn’t be easy, even if I wanted to give up. I couldn’t think about anything else. I couldn’t stop scratching the itch.

  I stubbed out my cigarette and was about to go back inside when a young guy came out through the doors of the airport, a stuffed rucksack on his back. He stopped to look around, probably trying to find a taxi. And as he looked up I realised, with a jolt that almost floored me, that I knew him.