In Her Shadow Read online

  Mum was wrong.

  Darpak hadn’t killed Izzy.

  Jessica did understand why Mum found it so hard to believe Izzy had fallen. Jessica had always found it difficult to accept too. She struggled to picture Izzy leaning over that balcony and losing her balance so badly that she fell.

  But then the coroner had revealed the results of the autopsy, the drugs that were in her system. Not just cocaine but amphetamines and sleeping pills too. Jessica wasn’t surprised that Izzy snorted the occasional line of coke; she knew a lot of middle-class people who indulged occasionally. But sleeping pills? Speed? That revelation had shaken her, and with the shock came guilt. Why hadn’t she noticed? What could she have done to help?

  And as soon as she found out about the medication, another realisation had hit her. Maybe Isabel hadn’t fallen.

  Maybe she had jumped.

  The police seemed to think that was a possibility too, as had the coroner, but they had been kind to the family, ruling it to have been an accident. This was something Jessica never discussed with Mum, but maybe it was time she did. Anything to put out of her head the idea that Darpak had murdered Izzy.

  She realised, with a start, that it was almost school pick-up time. As she left the house she wondered why this was happening now. Isabel had died nearly five years ago. She had thought everyone was getting over it. But suddenly her dead sister was all anyone could talk about.

  Chapter 4

  ‘Will, are you ready? We really need to get going.’

  He came out of the bedroom holding a fabric bat wing over the lower half of his face. ‘Mwa-ha-ha!’ he exclaimed, flinging his arm aside to reveal his plastic joke-shop fangs and the trickles of blood he’d drawn beneath his lips. He had covered his face with white foundation and slicked back his hair. Jessica had to admit it rather suited him.

  He grabbed hold of her from behind and put his lips to her neck. ‘I vant to suck your blood,’ he said, putting on a ridiculous Transylvanian accent.

  She wriggled from his grasp. ‘Didn’t Dracula only go for virgins?’

  ‘Zis vampire is not so fussy.’ Now he sounded French.

  She couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Come on, the kids are waiting.’

  They went downstairs. ‘I still think you should have dressed up too,’ he said. ‘You’d have looked great in that Bride of Dracula costume.’

  ‘The one with the fishnets and the neckline that came down to here?’ She pointed between her breasts. ‘I think I’m a bit old for that.’

  ‘Don’t be daft. You’re still the second most attractive woman in Beckenham.’

  It was a joke that dated back to one of their first dates.

  ‘And you’re still the nineteenth most attractive man.’

  ‘Aw, thanks, sweetheart.’ He pulled her into an embrace.

  ‘Mum! Dad! That’s disgusting.’ Felix was dressed as a character called Slender Man: a black suit, rubber tentacles attached to his back and a white mask that covered his face like a stocking, with just two eyeholes cut out. He looked genuinely creepy. Jessica had tried to persuade him to dress as a more traditional monster but it had to be Slender Man.

  Olivia stood beside him. Like her dad, she was dressed as a vampire. A very cute little vampire, with a purple cape, a high collar and streaks of blood on either side of her mouth. The bat necklace from Izzy’s box hung around her neck. Jessica had gelled Olivia’s hair into a quiff, which Olivia kept touching and threatening to flatten.

  ‘Wait, let me take a photo,’ Jessica said, producing her phone and taking a few snaps of her family. Will gurned, Felix held up his tentacles and Olivia stood stock-still, staring at the camera with round eyes. ‘Are you excited?’ Jessica asked her, adjusting Olivia’s collar and handing her a little bucket shaped like a pumpkin. ‘Hoping to get lots of sweets?’

  ‘Trick or treat,’ Olivia said, putting on her most menacing voice.

  They headed out. The clocks had gone back a few nights earlier and it was dark and cold on the street. There were already a number of families and groups of teenagers going from door to door. Halloween was a big deal on the estate because there were so many families with young kids. Anyone who was happy to take part had placed a jack-o’-lantern outside their door. There were a few people who, like Jessica’s mum, hated Halloween and the children had been told to avoid those houses.

  ‘Someone told me,’ Felix said, ‘that last year someone tried to trick-or-treat Mr Ellingham and he gave them an apple that was soaked in rat poison.’

  Mr Ellingham was an elderly man who lived in an old house near the estate. He was harmless.

  ‘That’s an urban myth,’ Will said.

  ‘No, it’s true,’ Felix insisted. ‘Jack told me. He said this kid started foaming at the mouth and then fell to the ground, dead.’

  ‘Felix, that’s not—’

  ‘Izzy died,’ said Olivia.

  Jessica stared at her.

  ‘I wasn’t talking about her.’ Felix pulled a face. ‘You’re such an idiot sometimes.’

  ‘Don’t call your sister an idiot. And please, let’s not argue,’ said Will, who either hadn’t heard what Olivia said or was choosing to ignore it. Jessica wasn’t sure.

  They approached the first house, which was festooned with creepy decorations. A woman who Jessica recognised – she had kids at the school – opened the door, holding out a large basket full of Haribo and lollipops. Jessica tried not to think about all the sugar the kids would consume tonight.

  ‘What a scary costume,’ the woman said as Olivia helped herself to a lolly and dropped it into her bucket, then turned away, unsmiling. She was taking this whole vampire thing very seriously, Jessica thought.

  As they headed back down the path, Felix spotted a couple of his friends from school and stopped to chat. Will waited with him but Jessica was forced to chase after Olivia, who was running towards the road. Olivia knew about stopping, looking and listening, but Jessica’s pulse still raced whenever her daughter went near traffic.

  She caught up with her and tried to take her hand but Olivia resisted and ran on to the lawn of the next house. This house had no pumpkin on display and all the lights were off. Jessica didn’t know who lived there.

  ‘Olivia, come back here,’ she called.

  Olivia ignored her. Jessica hurried after her, cursing as Olivia ran across the flower beds, trampling a couple of shrubs and heading straight towards the door of the dark house.

  ‘Olivia! Don’t you dare!’

  But Olivia did dare. She wasn’t tall enough to ring the doorbell so she banged on the door with her little fist. It made a surprisingly loud noise.

  Jessica reached her and tried to grab her hand, but it was as if Olivia was made of smoke. She evaded Jessica’s grip and banged on the door again. Jessica grabbed her and picked her up. Olivia wriggled and yelled, ‘Put me down!’ Jessica held her more tightly – and Olivia bit her hand.

  Jessica stopped, putting Olivia down on the doorstep. She couldn’t believe it. The bite hadn’t really hurt but it had left a pink, wet mark on the fleshy part of her hand just above her thumb. She took Olivia by the wrist and dragged her away from the house.

  ‘You do not bite, do you hear me? It’s very, very naughty.’

  Olivia pouted, her eyes shining with the thrill of doing something really bad.

  ‘Say sorry now.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Right, that’s it! No more trick-or-treating. We’re going home.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ It was Will, with Felix just behind him.

  ‘She bit me.’

  ‘What? Livvy, did you bite Mummy? You mustn’t bite.’

  ‘I’ve already told her that. And I’ve told her we’re going home. You and Felix can carry on.’

  Olivia gazed up at her dad and began to cry. ‘I don’t want to go home. I want more sweets.’

  Will turned to Jessica. ‘I expect she just got carried away with the whole vampire thing. Olivia, why don’t you say sor
ry to Mummy and then we can carry on?’

  Olivia stared at the grass. She whispered something.

  ‘Say it louder, sweetheart,’ Will said.

  ‘Sorry,’ Olivia whispered, a little louder.

  ‘Good. Okay, let’s carry on.’

  Jessica wasn’t entirely happy with Olivia’s apology, but she guessed Will was right: it was only because Olivia was dressed as a vampire.

  She was about to give Olivia a hug when a light came on in the house and the door was opened by an older woman. Olivia ran back up the path towards the house and Jessica realised she recognised the woman who lived there. Her name was Pat Shelton and she worked at Foxgrove as a dinner lady. She was well past retirement age, in her seventies, but she had been serving school dinners back when Jessica was a child and it seemed she would keep going forever.

  Jessica hurried after Olivia, calling out, ‘I’m sorry.’

  Olivia had already reached the door and was holding her orange bucket up towards the woman. ‘Trick or treat.’

  Jessica caught up. ‘It’s Pat, isn’t it? I’m sorry, she’s a little overexcited.’

  Pat smiled. ‘It’s no bother, sweetie.’ She bent down. ‘Hello, Olivia. Did you enjoy your dinner at school today?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Olivia!’ Jessica felt herself go bright red. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  But Pat laughed. ‘It’s all right. I’m used to it. I didn’t like school dinners either, but they’re a lot better now than they were in my day.’ She addressed Olivia. ‘Let’s see if I can find something that’s more to your liking.’

  She retreated into the house and came back with a Mars Bar in a wrinkled wrapper. Even in the half-light, Jessica was sure it had been bought a long time ago. But she allowed Pat to hand it to Olivia, who inspected it dubiously before putting it in the bucket.

  ‘So, are you a vampire?’ Pat asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘A very scary little vampire.’

  Olivia nodded. ‘I’m the not-dead.’

  ‘I think you mean the undead.’

  Olivia stared at her. ‘The not-dead. My auntie is dead.’ And she gestured as if pointing to someone standing beside her. ‘This is Izzy.’

  For the second time, Jessica was speechless, but Pat was nonplussed. ‘I see.’

  ‘Do you really see?’ Olivia said. ‘Mummy can’t.’

  Jessica snapped out of her trance. ‘Come on, Olivia, let’s leave Pat alone.’

  She took Olivia’s hand and led her back down the path, heart hammering, to Will and the impatient Felix. Behind them, Pat closed the door.

  ‘What happened?’ Will said. ‘You look as if you’ve seen a ghost. I mean, I know it’s Halloween, but . . .’

  ‘Just keep walking,’ Jessica hissed.

  ‘What is it? Did that woman say something?’

  ‘It wasn’t her.’ They had reached the main road now. They stood beneath a street light, shadows stretching towards the gutter. Jessica crouched down and spoke to her daughter, who was busy inspecting the out-of-date Mars Bar. She was only four, overstimulated by Halloween and the candy she’d already eaten. Her imagination, always vivid, was in overdrive. What she’d said, the way she’d gestured to an empty space beside her, meant nothing. But Jessica couldn’t stop herself from asking.

  ‘You can’t really see Auntie Izzy, can you?’

  It was cold in the street. Black sky, half-naked trees, wind that nipped at their flesh. That was why Jessica shivered. Nothing to do with the words that had come from her daughter’s lips and the distant, dreamy expression on her pretty face.

  ‘I forgot,’ she said.

  ‘What did you forget?’

  Olivia’s voice dropped to a whisper. ‘It’s a secret, Mummy. A very big secret.’

  Jessica stood in the kitchen, half the wine from her glass already percolating through her bloodstream. She didn’t usually drink on a school night but tonight, oh my God, she needed it. Will had poured himself a drink too.

  ‘You know that expression about feeling like someone’s walking over your grave?’ Jessica rubbed her arms, goose bumps rippling beneath her palms. She had stopped kidding herself it was the weather that had chilled her bones.

  ‘Next Halloween, she can dress as something from My Little Pony.’ Will had scrubbed off his Dracula make-up. ‘I suppose we should be pleased she has such a strong imagination.’

  Jessica glanced over at Olivia’s vampire outfit, which lay in a heap by the washing machine.

  ‘So you think it’s nothing to worry about?’

  ‘Yeah. File it under “kids say the funniest things”. In this case, funny peculiar not funny ha-ha.’

  ‘Definitely not funny ha-ha.’

  She went over to the window, which looked out on to the street. It was late now and all the trick-or-treaters had gone home, but jack-o’-lanterns still burned outside a number of the houses, a pattern of flickering orange dots in the darkness. Usually on Halloween she and Will would end the day with a horror movie. They had one lined up, something about a creepy doll that came to life and wreaked havoc. She didn’t think she could face it now.

  ‘I am worried about her, though,’ she said. ‘First there was the incident at school. Then she was scared when she was watching Trolls, which she’s seen before and wasn’t upset by at all. And then tonight – saying what she said and biting me.’

  ‘Again, I think it was her being in character. Felix did lots of peculiar stuff when he was four. Remember when he decided he was a cat? He miaowed all day and insisted on having a bowl of milk for dinner.’

  The memory made her laugh. ‘You’re right. We have imaginative kids.’

  They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Jessica finished her wine and said, ‘I’m going to bed.’

  On the way to the bedroom, she opened Olivia’s door and slipped into her room. In the pink glow from the night light Olivia looked so peaceful, her favourite giraffe toy, Stretch, clutched against her cheek. Jessica crept closer, leaning over to gently kiss the sleeping beauty’s forehead.

  That was strange. Olivia had one arm raised, her fist beside her head on the pillow, and she was clutching something. Carefully, Jessica’s prised open her daughter’s fingers to see what it was.

  It was the bat necklace she’d been wearing with her outfit. The metal had left an imprint on Olivia’s palm where she’d been holding it so tightly.

  Was Olivia developing an obsession with her dead aunt? If that was the case, the box of costume jewellery that sat in the corner of the room certainly wasn’t helping. Jessica closed her daughter’s fingers, kissed her, then tiptoed from the room, taking the box with her. She held the bat necklace for a minute, remembering when Izzy bought it from Claire’s Accessories. Its silver edges had rubbed away so the bat was edged with black.

  She thought about throwing it away, but couldn’t bear to. Instead she tossed the necklace in the box and put it on top of her wardrobe, out of Olivia’s reach. Olivia might protest in the morning but she would soon forget about it and move on.

  Jessica got ready for bed, knowing she would dream about Izzy, wondering if Olivia was doing the same.

  Chapter 5

  Fireworks bloomed against the night sky, green and red and orange. Darpak was already preparing the next rocket, building up to the big finale, which involved a whizzing Catherine wheel and half a dozen Roman candles. He took his annual Guy Fawkes Night display even more seriously than his Sunday lunches.

  Jessica stood by the smoking bonfire in the corner of the vast garden, cradling a cup of hot buttered rum, enjoying the way it soothed her insides. She’d eaten too much of Darpak’s generous feast – jacket potatoes and pumpkin soup, a camembert fondue with crusty bread, hot dogs and an array of puddings – and her stomach hurt. Beside her, Nina nibbled at a plate of salad.

  ‘Get ready!’ Darpak cried, lighting the rocket and walking away quickly. He looked around. ‘Hey, where are the kids? They’re missing it.’
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  ‘They’re on the trampoline,’ said Nina.

  ‘What?’ He called out their names. ‘You’re missing all the fun.’

  ‘I think I’m going to join them,’ said Will, and he ran off towards the trampoline yelling, ‘Here I come!’ The children’s laughter rang out across the garden.

  ‘He’s such a big kid,’ laughed Nina.

  Jessica didn’t respond, prompting Nina to say, ‘Are you all right? You seem a little stressed.’

  ‘I’m fine, Nina. I’m tired, that’s all, worried about Olivia.’

  Jessica had already told Nina and Darpak about Olivia’s behaviour on Halloween.

  ‘Anyway, I’m getting bored hearing myself talk about it. Tell me something exciting about the fashion industry. Allow me to live vicariously through you for a minute.’

  Nina laughed. ‘There’s not much to tell.’

  ‘Are you seeing anyone? A hot male model, perhaps?’

  ‘Yeah, Nina,’ came a voice from behind them. ‘We want to hear all about your love life.’

  Jessica turned and smiled at the woman who had spoken: Amber, a friend of Nina’s who had been invited along tonight. Amber was a photographer, well known in fashion circles but, like Nina, not a household name. She was in her early thirties and had natural auburn hair, a similar shade to Jessica’s but longer, falling just below her shoulders. She had a Welsh accent and that skinny, arty look that Jessica found faintly intimidating. A tattoo peeked out from beneath the right sleeve of her coat: stylised red-and-orange flames that almost reached her knuckles. Jessica hadn’t seen the full tattoo but apparently there was a red Welsh dragon on Amber’s forearm, breathing the fire that was visible now.

  ‘Come on, Nina,’ Amber said, sucking on her e-cigarette. ‘Spill.’

  Nina glanced over her shoulder, as if she was worried about Darpak overhearing. ‘Well, there was this one guy that I met in Milan. An American guy, a model. We spent a very nice weekend together. We rented this little sports car and drove out to Lake Como.’

  Jessica groaned. ‘Oh God, it sounds so glamorous and exciting. I hate you.’